Any Cal Smokes Need A Hot Date Thursday?

sfgate.com - the city of Berkeley, there is a private hot tub where only a select few people know the location. This hot tub is in an older man’s luscious, spacious yard, with hammocks, palm trees, vineyards, and a feeling of calming paradise in his backyard. When guests enter the property, they are to remain silent. They’re also naked, too, or at least they strip down into their birthday suits as they enter the tub, which reaches a very hot temperature.

In order to enter this secret backyard, one must enter a five-digit confidential code. The issue is that almost no one knows what this code is! Another issue is that most do not know where this place is located! I know that the Essex Hot Tub, as it is commonly called, is located in South Berkeley. I also know the address, but the proper etiquette is not to publish the address online. Sorry!

I do not know the code, unfortunately…

If you are male, then you are only permitted inside the gate if you are accompanied by a female. This rule is enforced in order to reduce the chances of an awful sausage fest occurring inside the adult establishment. In addition, no photography is allowed inside the complex, seeing as how there are nude people everywhere.

The Berkeley Hidden Hot Tub is closed on Mondays for cleaning. Otherwise, the hot tub is open 6 days a week, 24 hours per day. Enjoy!


Classy move by this old guy here in Berkeley. I can't tell if this is creepy or not. Seems like the rules are you must be naked, and you must be a chick. So I am going to say the creep level is hovering at a solid 7. How many hours a week do you think he logs just staring out into his backyard creep den? 30-40? Furthermore, what do you think the clientele is here? Hot milfs and Cal co-eds or crazy Berkeley hippies that smell like patchouli and have an untamed bush? I'm going for the latter. This bastion for smut still begs for a visit. The real question is what Cal smoke is looking for a date Thursday night? Me: 29 year old overweight blogger. You: 5'5" preferably asian, hipster glasses, hopefully blind.

Sometimes You Just Gotta Catch a Wave, Brah

Boston Globe: Travelers were delayed Saturday night after a man was spotted “surfing” on top of a Worcester-bound train while wearing a sombrero and a poncho, Transit Police said.

The 28-year-old Worcester man, who appeared to be intoxicated, said he had been at a pub crawl in Boston with his friends that afternoon.

The group boarded a commuter train to Worcester, and the man was separated from his friends, Transit Police said.

A train engineer said he was contacted about 9:45 p.m. and told to stop the train because a man was riding on top of it. The train was traveling about 40 miles per hour between the Ashland and Southborough stations , Transit Police said.

The engineer said he brought the train to a stop, climbed to the top of the engine, and saw the man standing on a ladder attached to the front of the car.

The man was brought to the Southborough MBTA station, where police escorted him off the train, Transit Police said.

The man said he was searching for his friends, Transit Police said. They allowed him to leave with a friend. But they warned that the man is likely to face a summons to appear in Westborough District Court on trespassing charges. The man’s name will not be released until he appears in court, Transit Police said.




I think everyone has been here before. You are out with friends just getting loaded and your mind shifts to catching that perfect wave. Problem is that the gnar is flat, your looking at waist highs at best, and you just want to get pitted. Boom!! easy solution you hop aboard a commuter train put your mind on the beach and shred. Dude was lucky that wasn't his last wave. A court summons is a small price to pay for getting your shred on. Having shred on your mind is a lot like blue balls you ain't getting shit done until you unleash.

Free Weed... For Voting?

There’s one more reason for San Jose residents to go to the polls Tuesday: free weed.

The city’s marijuana clubs are trying to boost turnout in what’s expected to be a low-interest election by offering discounts and giveaways of their product.

While the ballot doesn’t contain any marijuana-specific items, organizers of the pot promotion say Tuesday’s City Council races will determine the fate of pending regulations on the city’s medical marijuana dispensaries.

“We have a huge opportunity to make a large impact in who runs San Jose,” said John Lee, director of the Silicon Valley Cannabis Coalition, in a prepared statement. “Although we may not have regulations on the June ballot, insuring the right politicians are elected is even more important.”

The San Jose City Council has been debating an ordinance that would limit where cannabis dispensaries can operate, such as away from schools and parks, and how the drug is grown. The council is scheduled to continue the debate next Tuesday.

The Cannabis Coalition has come out against the proposed ordinance and asked the city to set up a commission to assist marijuana dispensaries.

On Tuesday, voters with valid medical marijuana cards need only show up at a dispensary with an “I Voted” sticker or ballot stub to get free or discounted weed. A list of clubs participating in the “Weed for Votes” campaign will be released Monday, according to the Cannabis Coalition.


This is exactly why California is the best state in the nation. There isn't even a weed referendum on the ballot. They are just trying to increase turnout so we don't have more privileged idiots stealing money and taking away our freedoms. Makes sense really.I don't know why this hasn't caught on sooner. Like free beer or free boobs to every voter. Damn right you would have 99% turnout. Instead only like 3 people show up and turds like Obama and Bush get elected. Hey America take a page out of the weed playbook and make voting more fun. Imagine beer kiosks while in line, hooters ( or chippendales for gays/women... Hey America is all about equality) type girls checking your ID. None of this drab heads down get in and get out. No wonder why less than 10% of 18-27 year olds didn't vote in last election. There was no pomp no circumstance!

Is The Zen Master Butt Hurt After Losing Kerr?

Phil says Kerr verbally committed to the Knicks' job the day before Kerr took the coaching job with Golden State.

— Chris Herring (@HerringWSJ) May 30, 2014

Chris Herring (WSJ Knicks Reporter) came out and said that Kerr verbally committed to coach the Knicks the day before he came aboard here. Hey Philly boy grow up and stop being so butt hurt over it. The Knicks aren't exactly Shang-ri-la. Your best player has his foot out the door, Issah Thomas' ghost still haunts the locker room, and the team has about as much drama as an episode of The Real World. Maybe that's why Kerr got cold feet. He would be walking into a huge fucking mess. By coming here he inherited a pretty stable team who only really need some direction and good health to make a serious run. Stepping back and looking objectively its obvious he made the choice to get outta Phil's shadow and make a name for himself.

Are Those Keebler Elves Sneaky Pulling One On The Beej?

In all these years how come nobody has pointed out that this flavor combo is fucking insane? Cheese and peanut butter. I have never seen anybody do that. Picture this scenario you swing by my villa and you see me dipping cheese-its in a peanut butter jar. You would think I was insane. Does real cheddar cheese and peanut butter taste good? Fuck if I know. Can't pay me enough to try it. I just want to know who are the ad wizards who came up with this at Keebler? "Hey john remember last night when you were stoned and started making little peanut butter and cheese sandwiches?" "Well lets totally make it a real product." Doesn't fly. Its weird now how people don't bat an eye when you are eating those crackers. Just ho-hum peanut butter and cheese. I bet my last dollar that there is no other vehicle where that flavor combo works.

Don't Pat Me On The Back But...Pat Me on My Back

Thanks to sfpd for returning hunter's scooter. pic.twitter.com/rSLc4yhWLF

— Joe Day (@rocketped) May 28, 2014

The scooter has been returned!! Power of the stool indeed.

A's Fans Time To Step Up To The Plate

It’s way early in the process of selecting the All-Star teams, but A’s fans – and perhaps fans across the land who finally are giving the A’s some props – made a first-week splash in voting.

The A’s haven’t had a position player named to an All-Star team since catcher Ramon Hernandez in 2003.

They haven’t had a position player start an All-Star Game since first baseman Jason Giambi in 2000.

Well, take a glance at results from the first week of voting.

Josh Donaldson, your leader among American League third basemen.

Derek Norris, No. 3 among catchers.

Brandon Moss fifth on the DH list, Jed Lowrie fifth among shortstops.

It's mind boggling that the A's fans haven't step up up to the plate for our players in the past 14 years. No wonder why Old Lew has one foot out the door. You turds need to step up for the team with the best record in the MLB. These guys have earned every one of your votes. Switch away from Brazzer and head to mlb.com to vote

ps- Giambi sucks.

Will The Scumbag Who Stole Pence's Scooter Please Stand Up

Whoever stole San Francisco Giants outfielder Hunter Pence’s scooter from outside of a waterfront restaurant over the weekend could collect some valuable rewards if the scooter is returned.

The scooter was stolen from outside of Epic Roasthouse after the Giants’ 8-1 win over the Minnesota Twins on Sunday afternoon. Epic Roasthouse, the restaurant Lefty O’Doul’s, and Pence himself are all offering rewards for the safe return of the scooter.

Epic Roasthouse is offering a dinner for two, while the Union Square-area restaurant Lefty O’Doul’s is offering $200 and two free drinks, and Pence is offering a signed bobblehead of himself riding the missing scooter.

Pence obtained the battery-powered scooter shortly after he was acquired by the Giants in a 2012 trade, the Giants said on the team’s website. He has used it extensively since then to get around the city.

He left the scooter unlocked outside the restaurant while he ate inside and found it gone when he returned, according to the Giants. He announced it was stolen on Twitter, writing, “Ahhhh someone stole my scooter!”

The scooter is black with orange decals of Pence’s name and his jersey number 8. Pence has a backup he rode to the game Monday, but he said it needs the batteries fixed and has little power.

He said the stolen scooter had sentimental value and he would like to see it returned.

To collect the reward from Epic Roasthouse, anyone with the undamaged scooter has been asked to call (415) 369-9955.

Pence was instrumental in the Giants’ 2012 World Series run and was one of the league’s top hitters in 2013, hitting .283 with 27 home runs, 99 RBIs and 22 stolen bases. So far this year, Pence is hitting .289 with six homers and six stolen bases.

I'm going to try and give Hunter a pass on this one even though I lambasted scooter commuters a few weeks ago. He must live in Walnut Creek or something though, right? Anything that isn't tied down by steel is liable to be stolen in this city. Bike theft is probably the single biggest crime here. Some old drunk probably didn't even recognized it was Pence's, just that it was free for the taking. Still its pretty sad that one of our beloved players gets his stuff stolen when his name is all over it. I am debating whether this was some Haight street kid or a real fan. If it was a fan that's a fucking low life act. "Hey thanks for the World Series Hunter! You ahh using this right now?" I'm calling on all stoolies to band together and find the scooter.

Is This The Ultimate Hardo Move?

(NEWSER) – Someone who has made a lot of money in the San Francisco real estate market is giving some of it back — in $20 and $100 bills stuffed in envelopes hidden around the city.

All that's known about the anonymous millionaire, who uses the Twitter handle @HiddenCash: He's between 35 and 45, recently made $500,000 on a single deal, has some friends helping him with the money drops, and gave away $4,000 between Thursday night and Sunday.

He now has more than 52,000 followers, and every tip sparks what the San Francisco Chronicle calls a "social-scavenger hunt" in different districts of the city.

"I've made millions of dollars the last few years, more than I ever imagined, and yet many friends of mine, and people who work for me, cannot afford to buy a modest home in the Bay Area," the mystery donor explains to the Bold Italic. "This has caused me quite a bit of reflection. I am determined to give away some of the money I make, and in addition to charity, to do it in fun, creative ways like this."

He tells ABC News that he plans to keep up the money drops "indefinitely"—and he plans to expand the giveaway to New York City and Los Angeles soon. "I'm giving right now about a thousand a day. For me, that's definitely manageable."

Hey bro, we get it you just made a shit ton of money and know you want to parlay that into fame. I can't think of a bigger jerk move. Let me just tell other semi rich people with twitter and a smart phone where to find a hundred bucks. Well ain't that cool. I'm sure the guy who slept under 280 last night couldn't of used it. Instead you just gave some Facebook employee some money to go blow drinking at Cha Cha Cha's.There's even a guy in Oakland trying to do the same thing. Except he is giving out $2 bills. As Key-Key would say "Come on man". Who the fuck is going to study your picture of a tree and go out to find $2 measly dollars.

The Feesh Is Migrating

First, the bad news: The Kingfish Pub (5227 Claremont Ave., Oakland), a beloved dive bar in Temescal, is going to have to move in order to make way for a new condominium complex.

The good news: The pub’s owners have already found a new home for the tiny, 92-year-old bait-shop-turned-watering-hole, practically right across the street. Later this year, they hope to move the Kingfish — to literally pick the whole building up and set it down again at the new site. If all goes according to plan, the new Kingfish will be the same as the old — the same green paint job, shack-like exterior, oversized Seven-Up sign, and happy customers.

Talk of demolishing the Kingfish in order to make way for condos has been going on for years, but the project was initially waylaid due to the down economy. But the owners of the property have now sold it to developers who are moving forward with the condo project, and they’ve given the pub their ten-month notice.

Owners Mike Bowler and Emil Peinert, two longtime bar patrons who took over the Kingfish’s lease in 2009, saving the pub from being lost to history a first time, now hope the proposed move will save it again. They’ve agreed on terms to purchase an unused building at 5239 Telegraph Avenue, a former Ethiopian restaurant located next door to the Tool Lending Library. The plan, Bowler said, is to tear the restaurant down, leaving behind just enough space for the Kingfish. There should even be enough room in the lot for the bar to add a small outdoor patio in back.

The pub’s ten-month grace period ends on January 1, 2015, but Bowler and Peinert said they hope to complete the move sometime in the fall. In the meantime, the Kingfish will remain open at its current spot.


The Kingfish is one of my favorite bars in the Bay. Maybe its because Mike is from the Cape and will gladly shoot the shit and throw on a Boston game when all my drinking buddies meet up after work. The place just drips character. From the old timers taking up the stools at the bar, to the shuffleboard table that leans as much as the floor, to the piss trough and shitter the sits right next to it with no lock on the outside door. The place is gritty, grungy, and if you find a cute girl in there you know she is a keeper. Drinking there takes a special breed. But hey what can I say? I love free popcorn and $1 oly's. I have no idea how they are going to move that shack, but it better stay the same. Right down to the above picture that can be found next to the juke box.

ps- I should bring back those shirts, right?

Does This Look Like the Face Of a 31 Year Old Who Enrolled In High School As a 15 Year Old?

TEXAS – A 31-year-old woman is behind bars after police say she has been posing as a high school student for months.

Charity Anne Johnson, 31, was arrested Sunday after a family she was staying with became suspicious of her identity.

Johnson was enrolled as “Charity Stevens,” a sophomore at New Life Christian School in Longview.

A spokesperson for the school told KLTV that Johnson’s guardian brought her to enroll in school back in October, giving a date of birth that indicated she was 15.

On Tuesday, staff at the school discovered her identification was fake.

Her guardian, Tamica Lincoln, says Johnson told her she was 15 and needed a place to stay.

Lincoln says Johnson claimed she was abused by her biological father and that both her parents had passed.

Lincoln took on the role of her guardian, spending money on her and taking care anything she needed.

As soon as Lincoln suspected Charity was using a fake identity, she called the police and went straight to the school.

Johnson was arrested for failure to identify/giving false, fictitious information. She remains in the Gregg County Jail on $500 bond.

Not sure I'm seeing why Charity decided to pull this stunt off. Was she ever in a position to gain anything from this? High School is the exact place I wouldn't want to do over again. 15 is the worst age. Give me anything but a 15 year old smart ass who has got something to prove. It wasn't like she was going to be the talk of the town either. She's still fat, she still won't make the cheerleading team, and she sure as fuck won't be blowing the football QB behind the concession stand.Talk about the juice not worth the squeeze. She was just setting herself up for 3 years of misery and ridicule. The saddest thing about the whole story is her supposed guardian. She couldn't fucking tell that Charity may of been a little older than represented. Look at that mug shot. Granted this chick probably acts 15, but no one got suspicious when she was talking about going to the club and shit? I will give her one thing, when all done up she looks like a pretty convincing 15 year old.

Introducing The Warriors New Head Coach: Steve Kerr

I was sure Kerr was going to the Knicks. But we got our man. He should be able to help Curry even more from the perimeter, and really help Klay get his outside shot on. If we can get Andrew "glass body" Bogut healthy, we could clean up under the boards with him and Iggy. Sprinkle in some free agents in the off season, and I think Kerr will be holding the trophy for a 6th time. This time without riding on MJ's tip.

Is This The First Guy Ever To Get Robbed By A Water Balloon?

SAN FRANCISCO (CBS SF) – San Francisco police say a man was robbed after confronting a group of water balloon tossers in San Francisco’s Visitacion Valley neighborhood.

The San Francisco Chronicle reports that a 21-year-old man was driving near Sunnydale Ave and Hahn Street around 5:15 p.m. Tuesday when his car was pelted with balloons.

The man hoped out of his car to confront the five juveniles, who then threw a water bottle at him and stole his money. He was not seriously hurt.

The suspects fled and had not been tracked down as of Wednesday.


Hahahaha...give me all your money or I will throw this water balloon at you. What was he robbed by a roving pack of elementary school kids? Give me a break. How does one get robbed by a juvenile wielding a fucking bag of water. Like I get it a kid threw a balloon at your car and you got out to confront them. How does the situation escalate from there. Were the balloons filled with acid? Did Omar whistle from the bushes? Either that or he is the biggest pussy in the world. Probably would of chalked the money up as a loss and put my tail between my legs rather than explain to a cop what just went down. Self emasculating as shit.

I Think I May Become Religious

The pastor of a church in Dandora estate alleged to have outlawed women from wearing innerwear and bras during prayer service is on the run after an irate mob stormed and demolished his church. Reverend Michael Mulama, the senior pastor at Jesus Jubilation Centre in Dandora Phase 2, was reported on social media to have termed underpants ‘ungodly’ and banned female members of his church from attending Sunday services in panties and bras. When the The Nairobian caught up with Pastor Mulama in his hiding place, he blamed members of a different community for spreading a lie, saying he was afraid and on the run because people he trusted with his life had conspired with his enemies to finish him. “Since I started preaching, some people from a certain community have been unhappy with me because I am not one of their own. That’s how they conspired and bribed some women to spread the news that I told them to be attending the services without panties,” he said. “I am an educated man. I’ve even preached abroad. Check my messages online; I am not insane to do such things,” he added. When word of the ‘nude prayer worship’ spread, Mulama claims he tried to report the matter in the chief’s office but was attacked by goons who tied and took him to the dump site (Dandora) where they robbed him phone and Sh80,000 he had in his wallet.



Finally a religion I can get behind. Seems simple enough no underwear and you will go to heaven. I don't really understand what all the hoopla is about with the villagers burning down his church and running him out of town. Isn't every man about catching a errant nipple or ass cheek just busting out? Isn't that what we live for? I pray everyday that the cutie I'm scoping on the BART bends over and her tits are just hanging out no bra. That is the fucking holy grail of my morning. A wild nipple is kinda like finding jesus not many times are those just chillen for your viewing pleasure. Don't you get mad when all you see is bra? I can see exactly where Reverend Mulama is coming from. In fact in writing this I realize I've actually been practicing his religion all along and just didn't know it. Praise to be god indeed.

You Make the Call: American Idol Winner or Softball Dyke?

(CNN) - County results certified Tuesday show “American Idol” star Clay Aiken as the winner of a Democratic congressional primary in North Carolina by fewer than 400 votes, one day after his chief opponent died suddenly.

The results from the May 6 vote were certified by the counties showing that he won the 2nd Congressional District contest over Keith Crisco and a third candidate.

Crisco, a respected businessman and a former top state official, died on Monday at his home.

The tally from the North Carolina Board of Elections showed Aiken with 11,678 votes, Crisco with 11,288, and Toni Morris, third with 5,616.

Until Tuesday, the contest was without a formal winner. Crisco’s campaign confirmed that he had planned to concede on Tuesday.

Aiken temporarily suspended campaign activities due to Crisco’s death.

"He was a gentleman, a good and honorable man and an extraordinary public servant," Aiken said in the tweet.

Aiken will meet Rep. Renee Ellmers, the two-term Republican who currently holds the seat, in November. He will face an uphill battle in the reliably conservative district, which is located in the central part of the state.

Ellmers, who was first elected in 2010 in a tea party-fueled wave, won re-election with 56% of the vote in 2012.

Republican presidential nominee Mitt Romney beat President Barack Obama in the district by a 58-41 margin – an even wider margin than Romney bested Obama in the state overall, 50-48.

She handily defeated conservative talk-radio host Frank Roche in her primary.


Slow down there Clay, baby doll!!! I think you need a new campaign manager. How is making you look like a dyke in your ads going to pull in votes? .I saw this coming from a mile away. There are ways to make a transition into other career fields, but this isn't one of them. I learned a long time ago that peacocks can't strut with chickens. This is what you are a peacock in a chicken coop. Gay, dykish looking men are not pulling in votes in the south. You need to take a page out of Johnny Weir's book and go for something you know. In his case fashion in your case...well geez Clay I don't know. Bible belt politician isn't playing to your strong suit. Barely beat a dead guy. Your next opponent is a two time champ and conservative. I can't even fathom how many times she changed her panties last night after seeing you coming out on top (I'm assuming that's not your strong suit either).

Introducing The Beer Mile

James Nielsen, of Novato, California, boasts some impressive running credentials. At the University of California San Diego, the 34-year-old Bay Area native and father of two was a two-time NCAA champion in the 5,000 meters. In 2007, he won the Eugene Marathon and qualified for the 2008 U.S. Olympic Trials, finishing 50th in New York.

But no record has sparked the kind of attention than the one Nielsen set on Sunday, April 27, when he broke the world record and set the first sub-five-minute time in the beer mile, a perhaps less prestigious (although still extraordinary) feat of athleticism in which a competitor must finish a 12-ounce beer before each of the four laps on a 400-meter track, with penalties for throwing up.

With a time of 4:57.1, Nielsen’s name is now atop the standings at BeerMile.com, which is viewed in the running community as the authority on the event.

James Nielson I am impressed. I usually don't get a hard on for running feats. It's the ultimate look at me kind of thing. But honestly I'd think it would be easier to run a marathon than to chug 4 beers and run a mile in under 5 minutes. I seriously doubt I could even chug 4 beers in under 5 minutes. Nevermind the mile part. Like how is this even possible? Was he averaging less than 15 seconds a beer and running a sub 4 minute mile? That's fucking insane. I'd be puking be turn 3, gauranteed. Pounding a beer and running is no different than shaking it up in the can. Projectile Puke City.

This beer mile sounds like a drinking game a bunch of track and field bros in college made up, right? And now people are taking it seriously I guess? Penalties for puking... haha. Reminds me of a dice drinking game we made up while I was at UNH. Basically if you rolled 1 and a 3 the rule was you had to pound until you puked in the bush out in front of the house. I guess when you are track and field bro this is the type of stuff you think about? Just combining running with everything, jerking off, studying , drinking. To me there sounds like there is nothing worse than running with a stomach full of carbonated beer. Maybe that's the fun of it? I don't know I'm having trouble getting past the running part.

Check Out This CreepMate Who Wants to Live At Villa De Beej

Hi!

I hope you’ll find me to be the ideal temporary roommate/renter for your wonderful place through August when I plan to start a new advertising company (that has now been delayed three months)!
Currently sharing (renting) a house in Oakland with my now good friend Dave for the past 2+ years, I’m the Director of Account Management for an advertising agency that specializes in marketing medical device, diagnostics and biotechnology.

Previously, I shared a townhouse in San Mateo for a year and a half with another wonderful fellow (and ultimately his girlfriend before they got married).

In the summer of 2010, I sublet in San Francisco with two female flatmates. Before that, I was a renter and home owner in NJ and on the Peninsula for over 15 years during college at SJSU, in the radio business and as a creative and in account management for advertising agencies.

I am a mature, but fun, easy-going and friendly man with a wonderful job and solid financials, great house keeping habits and glowing rental and personal references; including current and past housemates, landlords, long-time friends, church affiliations - even my ex-wife trusts and adores me!

I’m culturally inspired (all that is SF and the Bay Area - art, books, music, movies, museums, theatre, events, ethnic food finds, etc.), an exceptionally good cook and a determined tennis player, swimmer and hiker who doesn’t smoke, drinks socially, loves all animals, but has no pets or current committed relationship. The loving and responsible father of two children (20 & 23) who live and attend college in NJ, I travel once or twice a month to see them and/or for business. So all-in-all, it’s quite rare I have overnight guests.

They say a picture is worth a thousand words, so I’ve attached a photo to give you a further beginning sense of me in hopes we can talk and meet at your earliest convenience to learn more about one another and of course, the place.

Thank you so much in advance for your consideration!

Regards,
Michael


Hey Mike few tips for ya. Number one this isn't a dating website I don't give a fuck what you look like. But if you look like you just saw a dirty pic of an 11 year old child. Then I don't want to live with ya. Period. I don't care if your ex-wife "adores you" or how good at tennis you are. All I needed to know is one thing: church affiliations. I'm not saying that I'm an angel but if you list "church affiliations" as a reference for you chances are I'm going to offend early and often. Mike, no kidding you ain't in a committed relationship its because you sound about as bland as a saltine. Your activities are the most fucking generic thing in the world you like "events" well who the fuck doesn't. You sound like a total wet blanket to me. I would love to see what your ok cupid account looks like. I like walks on the beach, candle light dinners, and reading verses from the new testament. Thanks but no thanks.

**** Update***

Bro Is going for the hard sale apparently. Have not contacted him but I received this:

Hello again,

I was following up in hopes your apartment is still available.

Please give me a call at your earliest convenience to discuss my top notch qualifications, and to set up a time for me to see the place!

Thanks in advance,

Michael


Almost need to bring him in for a sit down now. Just want to see what makes him tick.

Heat Wave

I'm loving this heatwave talk. It's supposed to hit 89 in the city this week...motherfucking 89... every where else that's called summer. People are fucking insane when it comes to the weather out here. A heat wave is above 80. "It's going to rain today"... sunny by noon. "I'm cold"... its 55 and cloudy. People are only happy when its 60-72 or they start to bitch. Hey listen I spent 27 years in the New England. It would be in the teens for a month, then in the summer its above 100. You guys are spoiled with the weather that's why I love it here. Unlimited sun and I don't need to goldbond my bad boys every morning. Just shut the fuck up about it, it's nice every god damned day. So sit back crack a gibble cylinder, and enjoy the "heatwave" turds.

We Don't Need No Stinking Kerr

I hear that Kerr will choose between the Warriors and the Knicks by Monday. My advice Steve... go to New York. You don't want the White Mamba breathing down your neck. He just picked up an NBA D-league championship ring while coaching the Santa Cruz Warriors. Ya I know Kerr has 5 championships, but both played the role of token white guy on a championship team. Only difference between those two is that Scal is a proven championship coach. I'm team White Mamba all the way.

I Know How I'm Getting Laid Tionight

Are you kidding me with this ad? I have been trying to land an Asian forever and all I have to do is stick a gun to one's head and steal her purse. Man asians are so fucking kinky it makes my head spin. All of that crazy porn that comes out of there but you can't see a pussy or dick, but you can buy used school girl panties from vending machines there. Fucking next level kink. I guess I just have to polish up the chrome and don a hoodie tonight, and my fantasies will be full filled.

ps- that line "or you can just show up at my house and fuck me" had me hard. And yes I know it's probably fake. But it is Oakland (29th and MLk is no joke) and she was asian. I can dream

Happy Mothers day

So Sfgate.com is doing a Mother Daughters collection thing on their site for mothers day. Can mom/daughter be a fetish? Because I'm developing one looking at these. Who's the mom in the above photo?Honestly cannot tell.











Last pic.. Baby Doll!!... is that blue steel?

Should We Bomb North Korea Over This?

Nk News.org North Korean state media called President Obama a “wicked black monkey” and South Korean President Park Geun-hye an “old prostitute” in a duo of articles and highly inflammatory commentaries published last Friday.
The condemnations, which included unprecedented levels of extremely racist and offensive rhetoric, were published following a speech made by President Obama during a visit to South Korea in April.
But while an English language article published by the Korea Central News Agency (KCNA) contained just one reference to the terms “monkey” and “prostitute”, a separate Korean language article – published 90 mins later – contained far stronger language, representing previously unseen level of unfiltered racism towards the U.S. President.
The Korean only article, comprising the direct opinions of four local North Koreans, said Obama resembled a “monkey“ and that Park, who hosted him during his recent visit to Seoul, was a “whore”.
“How Obama looks like makes me disgusted,” Kang Hyuk, a worker at the Chollima Ironworks Factory said when translated into English.
“As I watch him more closely, I realize that he looks like an African native monkey with a black face, gaunt grey eyes, cavate nostrils, plump mouth and hairy rough ears.
“He acts just like a monkey with a red bum irrationally eating everything – not only from the floor but also from trees here and there…Africa’s national zoo will be the perfect place for Obama to live with licking bread crumbs thrown by visitors,” Kang concluded.
Jung Young Guk of the DPRK Ocean Management Office said the timing of Obama’s visit – so soon after the sinking of the Sewol ferry – was difficult to understand, adding that Obama had a “disgusting monkey look even though he is wearing a fancy suit like a gentleman”.
National People’s Congress Instructor Choi Yang Sun took offense at the U.S. decision to indefinitely extend the transfer of wartime operational control (OPCON) to South Korea, arguing that President Park had welcomed false promises from Obama by “taking off her underwear”.
Another citizen quoted in the piece said that South Korean citizens were talking “shit’ about Obama “behind his back,” pointing out that he was nothing more than a “paper tiger”.


We pretty much have to drop a bomb on Pyongyang here right? Like smack ol' Kimmy Jung around a little, no? I think the precedent here is Donald Sterling. We banned him from the NBA and are making him give up his ownership of the team for private remarks about blacks in general. Now we have this turkey coming out and just calling Obama a red bum irrational monkey. Not acceptable the U.S has been taking a hard line against racism here. Even Lebron bothered to turn his jersey inside out for a scrimmage or something.I think we need to show the world where we stand. Obama dial up a howitzer and buzz this guys tower with some good ol' fashioned American heat!!

ps- Who the fuck is this guy hurling the insults. Sounds like it could of come from a elementary school play ground "“He acts just like a monkey with a red bum irrationally eating everything – not only from the floor but also from trees here and there…Africa’s national zoo will be the perfect place for Obama to live with licking bread crumbs thrown by visitors,” Yah that's right fellas hes from the trees and the floor and he got a red bum (insert Nelson laugh)

How Emasculating Is It To Ride A Scooter To Work?

I have been noticing more and more able body men riding a scooter to and from work. Let me tell you this you could not look like more of a dork. What your mom buy that for you? Grow up it's not eighth grade. You don't even go any faster you still have to use the side walk. Take it from me. The commute is the best time to pick up chicks. I literally fall in love 5 times each morning. I'm talking good looking successful smokes too. All going to their little tech job dressed to kill. There are literally thousands of total babes swarming SOMA and the FIDI every morning and afternoon just begging for some dude to take her to happy hour. No need to cut your balls off right in front of them by riding a scooter.And when your on a scooter there is no chance to perv out. This also goes for those little dorky foldy bike things... that screams I'm a loser and play WOW all night with my friends. There are only two acceptable forms of transport in the city a real bike or your feet.

Can Somebody Please Tell me What is Wrong With A's Fans?

I went to the A's game last night and came home pretty confused. What the fuck is wrong with you A's fans out there. All I hear is bitching and moaning about how Lew Wolf wants to move the team to San Jose, and that they have to stay in Oakland. Well, you numb skulls, If you don't want him to move the team you have to show up to the games. The stadium was literally a third full last night. There is no excuse for that. It was beautiful yesterday and the team is first in their division and 5 games above .500. Somehow, despite Lew's unwillingness to spend a dime even on fixing the dugout bathrooms you guys have a great ball club. Yet still can't get down to the Colisieum to support the players. When I look at the roster many of these guys have been here for years grinding it out and making it to the playoffs. These ain't no journey man hacks who somehow have got the magic together. No guys like Coco, Cespedes, Reddick, have been holding it down for years. It's obvious why the team wants to beat feet. I got a tip for you though Lew, respect is a two way street. The Colisieum is awful. The Bart goes right there, fucking perfect. But there is not one thing to do before the game. I was coming from my cube in the city, and wanted to grab a brew and a meal. Not gonna happen in that rat hole. There is literally not one place to grab a bar stool and a gibble can. I had to get off on 19th street and go to Luka's. Take a page from teams with strong fan bases. Foster a fucking environment outside the gates. When I'm back east I know I can head right to the Cask n' Flagon and it's going to be rowdy before the game. Walk in and you don't even have to be going to the game with anyone. You can yuck it up about the home team with literally anyone in there. Build a little team spirit that's marketing 101. We both need to work on this. Oakland Fan's put your money where your mouth is. Lew Wolf give people a reason to come. Let someone build where the BART is. Or better yet do it yourself take a page out of Bob Kraft's book and his Patriots Place. Build a shrine to Oakland sports put some restaurants and bars in there with a hall of fame. You know it will be a huge draw. The Raiders and Warriors use the same facility, and you would get a new stream of revenue. A no brainer really.

More Poisoned Meatballs Found In The Sunset

Mercury News- More meatballs apparently left out to poison dogs were discovered this morning in San Francisco's Sunset District, according to police.

A woman walking her dog at about 9 a.m. today found the meatballs on a plate near 24th Avenue and Ortega Street. The meatballs appeared to have pills lodged inside, according to police.

Police investigators responded and collected the meatballs, police said.

It was the first finding of poisoned meatballs since a dog ate a suspected poisoned meatball in the Twin Peaks neighborhood in February. That dog, a 9-year-old Chesapeake Bay retriever and border collie named Timber, was forced to vomit at the vet and wasn't hurt.


But the meatballs have been causing dog owners anxiety since last summer when hundreds of them poisoned with strychnine were found distributed in the Diamond Heights and Twin Peaks neighborhoods and killed a dachshund named Oskar.

Despite a $5,000 reward, no suspects have been arrested. Anyone with information about the meatballs has been asked to call San Francisco police.

Is there anything more low-life than poisoning innocent dogs? This sick shit needs to be apprehended ASAP. Been going on much too long. As a dog owner in the area it scares the shit outta me. My dogs will literally eat anything. I have no clue what I'd do if it happened to me. Sad sad world when somone needs to get off by poisoning dogs. My heart goes out to the dogs who have been poisoned hopefully they will be back to themselves soon.

Mark Jackson Has Been Fired

Mark Jackson fired today. Honestly I could go either way on this one. He brought the Warriors to back to back playoffs. First time that happened in a decade. It seems like his personality has done him in. He got off to a rocky start here with stripper-gate (how's that christian ministry doing, Mark?) and has more than a few public blowouts with team executives. Seems like he was running the show on piss and vinegar. But he never lost the support of his players. Curry has gone on record saying he should come back. I think they would of beat the Clippers if Bogut wasn't a pussy. That's not his fault. It will be interesting to see who they bring in next. I think this team is poised to make a run with the talent they have. Hey Lacob if ya reading this I know who to bring in for next coach. You already have him as an assitant. Of course we are talking about The White Mamba himself.... Brian Scalabrine.

Local Tv At Its Finest

I will be the first to admit that KOFY's Dance Party is a little guilty pleasure of mine on Sunday night after the sports are over. If you haven't seen it it's a little bit MTV's the Grind mixed with San Francisco's finest set inside a trainwreck. has all the makings of great TV. Like I'm convinced that this idea would not fly in any other part of the country. There is such a great cross section of characters on here that make it work. You are either constantly laughing at how dumb people look or in awe of hard they are rockin' the groove. I burst out laughing when that stiff came on in the black shirt and that gold chain. Was he even dressed up? Or did he come in looking like that. My money is on the latter. Why would you put yourself on tv when your dance moves consist of... nothing he literally was like a beanstalk swaying in the wind. Bottom line this show is what makes the bay great young,old, geeks, crazies, and babes just coming together to get freaky on tv. I am more than happy to throw on some Dance Party on Sunday night and then go fire one off to DJ Katie.

I am Officially Endorsing David Campos For Assembly

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Is this The Worst Bar Idea Ever?

sfist.com-With sounds and bells that remind your editor of halcyon days spent at Disneyland, Urban Putt, the Mission's newest theme bar and eatery, opens its doors today. The brainchild of Steve Fox, a former Editorial Director at PC World and CNET, Urban Putt features classic San Francisco signifiers, molded into miniature golf course decor, like the Transamerica Pyramid, the Painted Ladies, Lotta's Fountain, and the Little Giant Gold Hydrant. There's even a dark 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea-esque hole full of gadgetry and levers, as well as a Skee-ball-themed hole, an elaborate Dia De Los Muertos hole, and more.

Fox has been a longtime mini-golf hobbyist having hosted his first "Bring Your Own Hole" mini-golf party at his home 20 years ago. Amongst his creative friends, these parties became hugely popular, increasingly elaborate annual events, which ultimately lead him to quit his day job and put all his energy behind opening Urban Putt. As his wife Leslie Crawford told him at the time, "If that's your mid-life crisis, great. Go for it. It's better than you finding a blonde and buying a convertible."

Over a year ago Fox found the perfect space, an abandoned mortuary at 22nd and South Van Ness that had sat vacant for fifteen years, and began rallying designers and friends to help bring his vision to life. In total, 65 designers were involved with the project, from architects to sound designers to set painters, all working to create the many various aspects of this 14-hole, steampunk-meets-Rube-Goldberg experience. As Fox puts it, they've taken miniature golf and and tried to make it "an original artform" more than the traditional, kitschy experience. "We wanted to create something artful and wonderful."

Upstairs there's a bar and restaurant boasting fare from chef Dane Boryta (Bottle Cap, Sens). As for the menu, it's deep-dish pizza and burger-driven, with a variety of salads and other stuff, and a full cocktail menu will be available as of next week. (It's beer and wine only for opening week.) A menu of portable "fairway bites" will be available downstairs for taking onto the golf course, including things like chicken and waffle skewers and fried olives, and there's a bar downstairs as well. The logistics of how people will eat, drink, and interact with the course itself remain to be worked out, but we're told that there will a sign-up-and-take-a-number system for limiting the number of teams on the course at once. Luckily, upstairs, there's more Skee-ball, and a basketball hoop game to play while you wait..


Welcome to bankruptcy Steve Fox. What an awful idea. I haven't played mini golf since I was 24 16 and on my first date. I am an avid golfer too. I can't imagine the money you wasted on those 65 designers. You hear that? 65 fucking designers to put astro turf down with a hole in the middle, and a small replica of the Full House House. One class of kindergartners could of come up with that. Looking at the pictures, each hole is like 5 feet long. Where's the hole where you have to hit it 100 feet down a hill and wrap it around a dog leg left under a fake waterfall. Not there. You know why? You are inside a warehouse in the fucking Mission. That's right 340 sunny days a year and I am drinking inside playing mini golf. This may fly in Antarctica where you can't go outside, but not here pal.

The problem with mini golf is that putting is literally the worst part of the game. There is no fun in giving the ball a tap tap tap-a-roo. I want to be able to stand up there after downing a six pack and try to rip it over the trees, because I hit my tee shot into the next fairway. I want to scream in my buddies face as I chip in for eagle from 90 yards and take the skin for the hole. And golf carts, don't get me started on them. Literally turning sport into leisure. A bonafied rolling living room. Beers, cushioned seat, blunts all at your fingertips. I don't see any of that happening at Urban Putt. Bleh, even your name sucks.

Let me know when you get foreclosed on. I would love to make that into the new Barstool West Coast Office.

Guess That Ass

Answer: Naya Rivera. Next level ass game here. Just getting fired from Glee and heading down to Cabo to bang randoms and blow off some steam. Oh ya and her brother plays for the Raiders.

Hey Sonny Dykes I got a Recruit For You

Hey Sonny let's extend an offer letter to Gary here before he ends up at Oregon. Unbelievable feat of athleticism here. I'm still waiting for the Gatorade logo to pop up. Just like the Vick commercial from back in the day.



ps- Sonny Dykes... ouch... almost worse than BJ Comyns